Ego Pull

“I will never be good enough to do this.”

That’s my imposter screaming when I want to start something new. Starting never comes easy. I just don’t know what I don’t know. But the fast progress that follows always makes up for it. After a while, I grasp the bigger picture. I go from “I don’t know” to “now I know what I don’t know,” which gives me that first rush of accomplishment. It pushes me to learn more—thanks, dopamine.

Then I pause and look back at my progress. Now I know what I know. More dopamine floods in, and I go from knowing nothing to thinking I know it all. My ego kicks in, and suddenly, I’m an “instant expert” riding that arrogant high.

Let’s face it: I’ll never know it all. That’s just reality. But thinking I know it all kills my curiosity, robs me of the chance to learn, and keeps me stuck where I am.

No matter how hard I try to avoid it, every now and then, my ego pulls at me. It’s hard to reflect honestly on where I am, and harder still to admit when my ego’s in control. That’s my ego’s specialty, after all—convincing me of its absence.

Now, I try to use it as a signal. Being aware of it already loosens its grip. Who would choose to stay ignorant once they realize their ignorance comes from their own arrogance? It’s less about destroying the ego and more about transforming it into a reminder that there’s always more to learn.

The moment I think I know it all, that’s when I stop growing.

Stay humble, stay curious.

—JL